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What is next?

 This is my second ever blog post, and I seem to be writing up every time I feel my life is messy.  I have made conceptually progress since the previous one, and I have set the values by which I value myself. Amongst these are: being kind and loving to friends and family, being appreciative of what I have, positive about the future and everyday life. These are stable things I can rely on and do not change every other day. What is still difficult for me is to be unaffected by other people's actions. For example, the fact that currently, I haven't gotten an offer for a Ph.D. where I am at has sparked emotions of anger inside me. I guess in the end, I did put expectations into me being here and that is why I feel bummed. I need to be better at: 1) Not having expectations from anyone,  2) Work on what I want, 3) Don't be afraid to say no to friends. The future is wide open, but that is for the best.  I want to play the long game.  I will not appease the status quo....
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A little anxiety and my thoughts

 I was feeling ok the previous days. Don't know what happened today that makes me feel the way I do.  A feeling of anxiety had conquered me.  I have come to understand that pumping music into my ears helps me when I feel bad.  With me losing my previous relationship, I think I need someone to have close to me. Maybe that's why I felt like spending time with Holly and was down when she didn't send for us to meet. Having been close to a person for as long as I had makes you want to have someone close to you to spend your time with, to hug, to have by your side and with whom you can share a moment. Perhaps that is why I took such a hit the other day when she didn't send a message back. About a week ago, I remembered what a teacher of mine had told me once: "You have to be ready. Act like a soldier and go to battle with your weapons. Your weapons are all the mathematical tools we have learned throughout the year. When you are giving your exams, you should be neither co...
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